Internal Supernova

We need more truth in the world – be it hurtful or affectionate, a painful truth is better than a beautiful lie. In the long run, it is more beneficial for all involved.
Words can have a powerful impact on others, however, without any actions or foundation to make those words binding, words can also be heart breaking.

 

To hear empty words can be more soul-shattering than never having heard them.

 

We live in a world of false ‘I love you’s, false gratitude’s, false comraderies and false promises.

 

Many people live in a state of constant silent pain due to being surrounded by people who claim to love them, and yet feel more lonely than they would have without those people around.

Many people pretend that everything is ok, and utter words of affection they truly, deep down, do not believe – however, deep down, they also know that the person they are saying this to knows… The ears can hear something, the mind can register it, the heart can even hope it to be true… but the soul (from where spouts that raw, pure instinct) can taste the bitterness of those empty words.
Yet, false smiles mean deeper heart ache for longer.

 

To be told a bitter, painful truth can cause soul-shattering pain for a while… but to live a lie is to live a torturous death every day. You lose who you truly are, and live in a constant state of insecurity, loneliness and darkness.

 

If the truth means to hold on tight, then hold on like it means your life, and if it means to let go and set one another free, then do so, so that both sides have a chance to find a place that they can truly feel loved, wanted and at ‘home’.

 

Also, we need to stop kidding ourselves. We do not hold on in empty, false relationships (of whatever kind) to avoid ‘hurting the other(s)’ involved… it’s done because we become cowards. We are afraid of change, we are afraid of a life where you don’t have even a false place to feel ‘there’, we’re scared of not feeling wanted (even if it is to be false), we are afraid of not being able to find that home.
But the truth of the matter is… you never had one to begin with.

 

I ask you all, dig deep within yourselves – touch those parts of your soul that burn your essence so that you may discover the truth – and ask yourself if it is true.
If you can honestly say with your heart and soul that it is, then tell them. To those whom you love that you love them.
Due to fights, arguments, distance, silence and more, people can become afraid to utter words of love or affection in fear of getting hurt – it’s a defence mechanism… but love is not supposed to be a war, my dears. If your walls are going up, then allow that love to bring them down.
Before it gets to that point where lack of affection causes the loss of all feeling, tell them.

If your soul tells you, an echo from deep inside, that it is not true… then tell them.
This may sound hurtful, horrible, even cruel, but what’s even more cruel is for someone to live on in a deception of being loved when they are not.
Allow your souls to speak now, so that decades are not wasted in a limbo of heartache and pain.

 

I have always been some to promote love and unity, but by saying the above it does not mean I am doing the opposite. If anything, exposing a truth allows for people to break those chains that were often hidden away or avoided, and set themselves free.

Love is such an easy word to throw around nowadays… but just because it’s used often, doesn’t mean that it should lose its true meaning.

 

There is no love without respect, without trust, and without honesty.

 

If you truly love someone, then tell them, and allow it to show through your words, your tone, your actions and your convictions.

 

Heart supernova.jpg

(Image from Space.com)

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The Search for Beauty – Contemplation of a Child

Child – What is beauty?
Me – Beauty is, in essence, a reflection of the radiation of the light of your soul. It is the strength to conjure within ourselves the courage to stand by what is just and true, including our true selves.
It is a reflection of you.

Child – Hmm… what does it look like?
Me – It looks like shooting stars! They may leave momentary ‘scars’ across the blanket of the sky, but they shine so brightly that it leaves you speechless! It’s that twinkle you get in your eye when you find your heart feeling exhilarated – and that twinkle is also a reflection of you!

Child – Where can I find it?
Me – Anywhere that we look hard enough. It’s like going on a treasure hunt! When you set off in search of good things, they tend to find you instead! Just look hard enough!

Child – How do you ‘know’ that something is truly beautiful though?
Me – You don’t! You just feel it! Even if others may not see it as beautiful, as long as you do, that’s all that matters.

Child – Ukhti (‘sister’ in Arabic)? … How can I become beautiful?
Me – My love, you already are!

 

Looking for beauty

© Naziyah Mahmood, 2016.

I Am Me

To the lady who, out of ‘care’, said I shouldn’t be wasting my time on ‘fighting, sticks and swords’ because it’s not something a girl should be doing – thank you for your care, but I do not need your permission to do the things I love. If me empowering myself is something that is strange to your social norms for what ‘girl’s should and shouldn’t be doing’, then I’m happy to be the one who shakes your world.

To the misogynist who smiled and oh-so confidently said that my love for the sciences is only a fad, and that my academic and industrial experiences in the fields of space systems, aerospace engineering and astrophysics were only ‘decorative’ – I do not need your approval to carry on with my interests in these fields, or to feel a sense of worth in my accomplishments. Oh, also, for someone who so happily put it down to ‘a girl being given the easy route’, I went through more hardships to get to where I am than you can probably comprehend. I am proud of the work I have done in these fields.
(P.S. In one of your recent posts, you made a HUGE blunder in your calculation of a Schwarzschild radius by using 2c instead of c^2 – just thought I’d point that out, not that ‘I’ know anything about astrophysics though, right?)

To the person who said that my hijab doesn’t reflect my ‘British’ culture – I do not need your approval or your permission upon how I dress. I am from an incredibly varied background and sit on a line between many cultures. I have the freedom do dress how I like since my hijab isn’t out to offend anyone. Is it going to jump off my head and strangle you?
If I want to dress like a Jedi, then I will. If I chose to wear a panda outfit, good on me. If I, as I normally do, ‘compliment’ my martial arts uniform with something that represents my belief and who I am, then I will do so. Don’t worry, it will match and I will rock that look.

Most of all… to the media that seems to have created a new stereotype of what ‘modern’ Muslim women should be like – the ones who should jump to apologize for every act of terrorism or crime that has nothing to do with them, the ones who need to prove themselves in their community as an adequate British civilian by trying harder than the rest, and the ones who have to drape their national colours over their heads – I do NOT need your permission or approval to live. What you have done is create a new set of rules of “how you can be more British and integrate with society” for a large group of people who are ALREADY a part of society. YOU demonize them, then command them to behave in a certain way to ‘re-integrate’ into the world they were already living normally in.
The colour of my skin, the clothes that I wear or my cultural background is not a reason to create a new set of rules for me if I’m already living peacefully just like everyone else.

As long as I’m not hurting anyone, I will exist as I wish to exist, do what I want to do and be who I want to be.
If that scares you, guess what? I don’t need your permission for any of that, so get used to it.

Stop putting people in boxes.
I AM ME. DEAL WITH IT.

 

B

(Photograph by Linda Macpherson)

Ink

Dear…

The beautiful sentiment and thought put into writing a hand written letter is something that’s unfortunately been lost in this era of technology and virtual communication.
There was once a time, when the internet had just been born, that the idea of receiving an email was incredibly appealing since we would send and receive letters quite often.
However, times have now changed so that we glance over our emails during our busy and rushed days, yet seldom do we receive a heartfelt, ink scribed letter of affection from loved ones.
Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something rather romantic, and familiar, about lifting a pen and scribbling down our thoughts for someone in specific to read.
Be it a family member, a friend, a pen-pal or the person of your affections, there is a deep sense of appreciation between both people upon seeing the personally drawn words of the sender.

 

A letter holds a lot of emotional power – upon seeing the font of the author, we find ourselves reminiscing over our past encounters. In each letter of every word, there is an emotional fingerprint, a personal form of identification which has the ability to convey the strength of the writer’s feelings – from sadness and loneliness, to joy and hope.
A hand written letter is, in a sense, a form of poetic expression shared between two people. It is an untold story waiting to be read, and the painfully anticipated answers to our mutually shared hopes.

 

I still remember writing letters to my dear friends who had moved away when I was a young child, and I recall waiting anxiously for their replies (which often came with a small gift depending on the occasion!) I also recall reading the letters that were exchanged between my grandparents and their families across the world, and it was one of those special moments in childhood where you feel transported to a different place, surrounded by different people, when you read about what their lives were like.
As time moves forward, everything really does become more about ‘faster, better, more convenient’. Just one century ago, we’d hear of stories of lovers who were separated by space and time, and yet their loyalty, hopes and love would never diminish – rather, the anticipation of that letter that would take months to arrive would only strengthen their bond.
Compare that to an age where if we don’t receive a reply text from our loved ones, we somehow feel as though they have betrayed us!
Although efficiency is important in this time, it’s also important to slow down sometimes so that we may absorb the true reality of feelings and emotion around us.

 

I’ve always had a love for writing letters, though I can honestly say that in recent years I haven’t been able to send as many as I would have liked.
As such, I’ve made it a resolution to try to write a heartfelt letter more often, and I’ll look forward to receiving them too!

Why not pick up that pen and start writing your “To’s” and “Dears” as well!?
Best wishes,

Naziyah!

 

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