Have you ever truly loved someone? A partner? A Friend? Family etc?
You acknowledge their flaws but love them regardless, why? It’s because you understand that the inevitable nature of mankind is not ‘perfection’, but continued growth and effort. You ‘believe’ that they are capable of being that caring person, of being successful, of being compassionate, righteous and so on… So why is it so hard to love yourself?
We strive so hard to knock ourselves down based on our shortcomings that we have no energy to work on them or to appreciate our good points. The world knocks us down enough, we don’t need to add to it.
Just like those we love, we too are prone to making mistakes, but as someone dear to me once said “you can’t love someone else fully until you learn to love yourself – or at least find a source of self-respect within yourself”. I.e. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
It sounds odd as first since “love yourself” sounds narcissistic to some, but it’s not. It means to have given ourselves some self-worth, to appreciate that you are flawed but to also appreciate that you can grow.
When we’re too busy hating ourselves, we have no mental energy to truly love another, because each time we taste that love we become too self-obsessed with “why I don’t deserve it”, “why I’m too messed up”, “why I’m not enough”, “why I….”
… Me, me, me….
Acceptance – the key to moving forward from anything. To accept the truth about a situation and then to apply two ingredients to the mix to begin the journey to growing is how we move forward. Discipline and consistency.
Learn to respect yourself, so that you may have enough room to begin sharing that love too.
Naziyah Mahmood 
I always felt like I couldn’t fully love myself until I become the imagined person I want to be. Thing is… that journey is taking its sweet time. This post came just before my birthday, right when I was reflecting upon my life and pondering my future.
It’s funny, others around me are thankful (dare I ever say impressed) for certain things I do (like tutoring/ teaching children art and robotics) but I always have the nagging feeling that “I’m not good enough, today’s lesson didn’t go smoothly, I can do better”. But then I see their smiling faces and hugs and try to think “maybe I’m not too bad”.
A student dropped ‘that’ line “this is my favourite class, we’re actually learning something and you’re like the dad I never had, my real one isn’t around…”. I didn’t know what to say. I froze up, not realizing the difference I was making. This is the same 5th grader that got the highest score in our school and is moving to a prestigious middle school, yet I’m his favourite “teacher” – a mere summer school tutor.
I still have a long way to go in other aspects like college and personal hobbies. I just have to take it one step at a time, just without the self loathing. The steps are already heavy enough.
Thank you for this Naz.
Salaam
-Izzy
Self-respect is never selfish. Clever sociopaths like con artists convince their targets that acting with self-respect is selfish, showing bad faith, etc. It is the grounding basis for wisdom. Know thyself and be true to that and deceit cannot beguile.