(Written as part of The Daily Post: Daily Prompt – Unsafe Containers: Which emotion(s) — joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain?)
For those who know me in and out-with the cyber world, they usually know me as a “hopeful fool” or “foolish optimist” – although my more recent activity on this blog (due to a series of recent unfortunate events) has somewhat changed the tone of my writing.
I have mentioned this in quite a few posts in my blog, and I apologise for the repetition to those who may already have read it – you’ll just need to hang in there one more time!
Just like many people out there, I chose to see the world through eyes full of love and admiration, even when I know the reality of what happens on this planet, because it not only makes others happy but it also acts as a method of self-coping.
So I guess in a way, it can be seen as an act of selfishness as well as a form of selflessness.
In my mid teens, I used to have a bit of an anger problem. It wasn’t that I would get angry and express it often, on the contrary, I rarely showed my anger but when I did, all hell would be set loose on those involved. It would usually be caused by witnessing any form of injustice or oppression in front of me.
I was known in high school as the ‘agony aunt’, but also more as the person that others would turn to when they were being abused or bullied by other students (and the teachers decided it wasn’t worth their time to help).
I always knew violence was wrong, and as such would try to help to resolve the problem using words, however, there were a few times when the other party didn’t feel as cooperative and would resort to violence.
It would never last long though as I would easily show them that, ‘even as a girl’, I shouldn’t be taken lightly – ever. In my books, violence was wrong but self defence was crucial. I would never go looking for a fight, but if one came to me and there was no other way out, self defence was necessary.
Oddly enough, I was always attacked by boys and never girls.
Thankfully, just before my sixteenth birthday, my family and I embarked on a holy pilgrimage to Makkah – It was truly a life changing experience for me.
Upon my return, I found that any form of anger had disappeared from my being and had been replaced with a sense of inner peace and reinforced patience.
Regardless of what emotions I had always locked away in my past though, I couldn’t help but always wear a smile.
As mentioned in a previous post entitled “The Strongest Weapon” (https://naziyahmahmood.wordpress.com/2014/05/12/the-strongest-weapon/ ) I have always believed that a smile can be one of your strongest weapons – as it not only empowers the person wearing it, but also acts as a form of charity when others see you smiling and, in doing so, can’t help but smile too! It spreads a small piece of happiness on to others that silently allows them to share in your unspoken glee.
I feel a bit ashamed for having to share yet another link to a previous post (shame on you, Naz!), but it helps to shorten my otherwise long ramblings! As also mentioned in my short story – Bubble Girl (more info can be found here https://naziyahmahmood.wordpress.com/short-stories/bubble-girl/ ) I have a tendency to carry a bottle of bubbles with me every time I venture through the town.
Even when I feel a bit low, I like to remind myself of all of the beautiful things that God has blessed me with – a loving family, a safe home, warm food… and so many more luxuries than most people ever need to ‘survive’.
With every remembered blessing, I blow bubbles.
With every painful memory, I blow bubbles.
With every intentionally induced moment of positivity and self reflection, I blow bubbles.
With every hope and dream that I think about for the future, those glittering orbs are released again.
The number of frowns that turn to smiles on the faces of complete strangers always lights up my heart, and even if it makes me look a bit ‘silly’, if someone else’s day was made a little bit better by seeing those floating spheres of childhood innocence, then it’s worth it.
So I guess for me, my uncontainable emotions would be happiness, joy, that feeling of elevation through faith and – if it were an emotion in itself – the curve of my smile.
“Why do you blow bubbles?”
“Well, it’s better to be surrounded by bubbles than a cloud of second hand cigarette smoke, no!?”